This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
