i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
