So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
