he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
