and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
