I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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