i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
