What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
