I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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