I'm laying in your front yard are you home
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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