Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
