she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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