remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
