My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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