Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
