if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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