ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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