Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
