she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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