Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
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Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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