Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
