idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
