I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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