Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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