At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
