Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Of course I have a pirate flag
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
