Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
