My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
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I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
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My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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