best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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