There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
