throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
