he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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