He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
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Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
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There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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