All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
she peed on how many people?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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