i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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