I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
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