biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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