I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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