I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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