someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
