The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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