Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize