His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
