I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
