Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
