he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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