What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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