a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
