I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
