I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
When are your genitals available?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
