im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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