Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
