Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
