every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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