Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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