Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
