No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
they're like a gay fantastic four
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
