We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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