Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
