Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
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were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
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I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm