Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
being pregnant is like rehab
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
