Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
