Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  our cab driver is having phone sex.

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  (773): our cab driver is having phone sex. http://tfl.nu/18ax
  Replies (18) Good night (5439) Bad night (2269)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!

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  (610): Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming! http://tfl.nu/wucs
  Replies (9) Good night (2953) Bad night (681)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.

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  (757): I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it. http://tfl.nu/uqxt
  Replies (13) Good night (9656) Bad night (1788)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.

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  (319): I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill. http://tfl.nu/jqgl
  Replies (36) Good night (6933) Bad night (2451)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone

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  (219): By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone http://tfl.nu/czmq
  Replies (8) Good night (4055) Bad night (889)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.

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  (917): It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all. http://tfl.nu/vnnk
  Replies (11) Good night (3080) Bad night (1409)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions

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  (972): The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions http://tfl.nu/nm0a
  Replies (8) Good night (1539) Bad night (2612)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Threesome in a minivan. New low

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  (907): Threesome in a minivan. New low http://tfl.nu/igpy
  Replies (15) Good night (1766) Bad night (931)
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  (916): View more from California

  Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home

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  (916): Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home http://tfl.nu/dlwc
  Replies (3) Good night (644) Bad night (1648)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is

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  (724): Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is http://tfl.nu/t84q
  Replies (4) Good night (888) Bad night (434)
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  (714): View more from California

  So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.

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  (714): So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions. http://tfl.nu/jiu6
  Replies (5) Good night (1818) Bad night (444)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.

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  (360): someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me. http://tfl.nu/y65y
  Replies (1) Good night (267) Bad night (442)
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  (347): View more from New York

  in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!

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  (347): in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg! http://tfl.nu/xub1
  Replies (1) Good night (468) Bad night (287)
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  (619): View more from California

  Then again, he has huge mansions.

  (619): View more from California

  *manboobs.

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  (619): Then again, he has huge mansions. (619): *manboobs. http://tfl.nu/0ptq
  Replies (3) Good night (325) Bad night (612)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.

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  (508): It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news. http://tfl.nu/vv9l
  Replies (0) Good night (310) Bad night (215)

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