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dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
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