i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...