I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.