My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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