Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
