So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
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I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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