WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
