I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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