Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
