I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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