Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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