I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.